“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come.” – Rumi
The Next Step in Moving Forward for me was getting over.
getting over or moving on from someone or something is a sign that you're actually growing, and we can't do that unless we get over the things that are not meant for us. For me personally getting over someone (like a crush)is so hard. but when i forget them...i forget them for good.
Now pardon me if I get a little bitter about crushes but Crushes are painful, annoying, and honestly freaky. Apparently, the science behind a crush is similar to having a mental disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Woah, madness.
Let me take you to a year back when I first met my crush on Twitter. I was 18 he was 26. He was the man of my dreams of course I fell for him and not for his looks though he was seriously Soo cute no but what caught my attention was his wits and quirkiness. In the start I denied my feelings for him saying k it's just because we're always texting eachother but then we both realized that we're moving a bit faster. Then the age difference between us was a problem too and sometimes he'd that im just a kid. and getting called kid by your crush or the man you love just sucks. I finally realized that I'm wasting my time energy and emotions on a wrong person. And so I decided to move on. It was a hard bumpy road, But I'm getting better. And anyone could move on or get over.
There is a way out of this purgatory, and it involves a conscious effort to release the “what-ifs” and move forward with purpose.You don’t have to do all of them at once, but the more you do, the more successful you will be at moving on.
* STOP LOOKING AT THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS
Seriously, this is important. Not only does continuing to follow or “check in” (you know what I mean) on your crush’s social media accounts put them right there in front of your face, you’re also seeing an airbrushed version of their life, abs, etc.—which isn’t reality. “You’re not seeing the full picture,”.
But he still watches my Instagram story”…
“But she still texts me sometimes”…
“But they posted ____ so it must mean ____” …
Nope. No more buts. These ways of casually keeping in touch with this person that you’re still not over are keeping you stuck in the mire of false hope. Checking in on them and making assumptions about what their life is like now is slowing down your moving-on process. Allowing them to contact you or check in on your life at their convenience is keeping you from being able to fully heal
Plus, “following a crush on social media can keep you from moving on, since constant exposure to their posts gives the illusion that they are still a part of your life when they are not,”. If straight-up unfollowing them would raise suspicions, hide your crush’s posts from your feed (or "mute" them) to give yourself time to heal.
* DISTRACT YOURSELF
“It's not easy to stop the brain, so distraction is a fine way to get through this,” says Brandy Engler, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in relationships.
The alternative is sitting around and obsessing, which is seriously unhelpful. “Obsessing or ruminating are just ways to get stuck in your head,” .
So to actually move forward, spend time pursuing activities that make you happy. Go all-out in yoga, hit up happy hour with your friends, or be with your family or plan a girls weekend away.
Spending time doing things you enjoy isn’t just a distraction—it’s reminding you that there are still things you enjoy that don’t involve your crush. The more enjoyment you have away from your crush [or thoughts of them], the faster you will move through the grieving process.
* LET YOURSELF BE SAD
This sounds obvious, but it should not be overlooked. Sometimes a reason that you have a hard time getting over someone that you never really dated is because you don’t give yourself permission to grieve them. You think, well we never dated so it would be pathetic to be really sad over it, right? Not true.
People that we never “date” can still have a significant effect on us. You don’t need a label or a long time to develop strong feelings for someone.
Gaslighting yourself into not feeling sad or lonely about this person is detrimental to your emotional health and only slows down your healing. So let yourself be upset. Grieve the loss of this person as a romantic prospect, whether you knew them for 2 months or 2 years. Give yourself permission to feel however you are feeling, and eventually the emotions will lose their charge and you’ll be one step closer to emotional freedom over this person.
* KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
you're not the only one who's going through this phase, When you’re going through a heartache (even if it's not from an actual breakup), it can feel like you’re the only person, ever, who knows what this feels like. But the reality is that most people have experienced this on some level.
"Knowing you’re not alone in having an unrequited crush can make it easier,” . You can also try thinking back to your younger self, when she got over a painful crush, too. If you did it once, when you had less life experience and healthy tools to get you through it, you can do it again.
One last thing, remember that there is no “right” timeline for healing. You can take as long as you need to get over someone. Sometimes it takes a long time, maybe longer than makes logical sense to you. Sometimes it feels really traumatic. That’s okay. Putting your heart on the line and developing feelings is never a shameful act. Getting over anyone, even an “almost relationship”, is tough. But trust that you’ll come out the other side. Trust that you will love again. And believe that...
“Everything heals. Your body heals. Your heart heals. The mind heals. Wounds heal. Your heart repairs itself. Your happiness is always going to come back.” –unknown
Love, Hoori.
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